Home
            
          
        

        

        

          
            
                Writing
            
          
        

        

        

          
            
                Games
            
          
        

        

        

          
            
                Personal
            
          
        

        

        

          
            
                Links
            
          
        

      

    		

    
        
            

            

            header
            

            

            
The New Season of Reality TV for Iraq

            

            

            

            

            
                
    
                    
  1. 
                        
                        Let's Get the Fuck Out of Here!  - 
                        A camera crew follows Saddam Hussein as he and his most
                        loyal bodyguards attempt to flee Iraq with a slew of
                        CIA spooks hot on his trail.
                        
                    
    2. 
                    
  2. 
                        
                        Whoops, my Mistake!  - 
                        Koffi Annan, Hans Blix, and the sponsors of the updated
                        "Daisy" commercial will be forced to explore the
                        underground bunkers of Baghdad and must rub the contents
                        of every warhead found onto their respective faces.
                        The first to name three of the substances wins a ride to
                        the emergency room at the nearest hospital...which will
                        hopefully be an hundred miles away.
                        
                    
    3. 
                    
  3. 
                        
                        Celebrity Bukkake  - Pilot episode
                        will feature Susan Sarandon and Sheryl Crow.
                        
                    
    4. 
                    
  4. 
                        
                        I 'Kurds' You!  - A camera will
                        chronicle the tears of joy as a selected Kurd gets the
                        chance to push the button that fills a room of
                        Iraqi Republican Guard troops with sarin nerve gas.
                        
                    
    5. 
                    
  5. 
                        
                        Iraqi Pop Idol  - The remaining
                        human shields from America and Europe will be judged
                        in a singing and dancing contest by a stern panel, including
                        the always-snide Chemical Ali (who will personally see to
                        the "elimination" of every contestant who loses).  At the
                        end of the season, the audience will get the chance
                        to surround Chemical Ali during the season finale and beat
                        him to death with sticks.
                        
                    
    6. 
                    
  6. 
                        
                        Fucking with al-Sahaf  - A series
                        of hilarious scenes will be shown with
                        Iraqi Information Minister Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf proclaiming
                        that American forces are nowhere near Baghdad.  In the
                        background, though, there will be American soldiers
                        waving to the camera, holding up signs that say "Homo"
                        and with an arrow pointed towards al-Sahaf, and putting
                        "bunny ears" behind al-Sahaf's head.
                        
                    
    7. 
                    
  7. 
                        
                        World's Funniest Anti-War Protesters  - 
                        A series of videos will be shown from all over the world,
                        showing comments from the most stupid anti-war protesters.
                        Last week's winner was "You know what?  If you spell Bush
                        backwards...and if you put some extra letters in there...
                        and if you take some letters out...it spells Hitler.  Dude,
                        I'm starvin'...let's go hit 'Jack in the Box' pronto."
                        
                    
    8. 
                    
  8. 
                        
                        Uday's Children Hour  - 
                        Saddam's son Uday may be dead...but that doesn't mean
                        he has to disappear from the spotlight.  Hanging from
                        a series of cables attached to the ceiling, Uday's rotting
                        corpse will become the country's first popular puppet as
                        he teaches children about the alphabet through songs and
                        about how to not be an asshole like he was.
                        
                    
    9. 
                    
  9. 
                        
                        The Modern Art Hour  - 
                        Each episode will feature an Iraqi citizen and one of the
                        many "Saddam" pieces (pictures, statues, etc.) that
                        litter the entire country, and it will encourage that
                        Iraqi to express his own artistic views, using the
                        Saddam piece as his/her medium.  Tools for the expression
                        will include a sledgehammer, a bulldozer, and feces.
                        
                    
    10. 
                    
  10. 
                        
                        The Real World - Iraq Edition  - 
                        Witness the tension and drama between some Kurds,
                        some Shiite Muslims, and some Sunni Muslims as they try
                        to live together and not kill each other.
                        
                    
    11. 
                

            
            

            

            
            And to our guys and gals stationed within Iraq...we are with you!
            And especially to those "jarhead" brothers...Non illigitamus carborundum.
            Audentes fortuna iuvat.  Semper fidelis!
            

            

            And for the boys who won't be coming back home...
            http://www.nmcrs.org/iraqwar.html
            

            

            
            

            

            

            

            

              
            

        
    		
  






  Copyright © 2003-2003 by Aaron
Kendall.